EkGuru › Materials › Conversation › Polite vs Casual — Aap, Tum, Tu in Practice
English has one 'you'; Hindi has three, and the choice signals respect or closeness. Using tu with a stranger is genuinely rude; using aap with your own child is stiff. This sheet gives you the safe default and the rules for each.
| Level | Form | Use for | Example |
|---|---|---|---|
| आप (aap) | most polite | strangers, elders, anyone you respect, service situations | आप कैसे हैं? (how are you?) |
| तुम (tum) | casual | friends, peers, family you are close to, children | तुम कैसे हो? (how are you?) |
| तू (tu) | intimate/rough | very close friends, children, God, or deliberate insult | तू कैसा है? (how are you?) |
Each 'you' takes its own verb form — you cannot just swap the word:
| English | aap | tum | tu |
|---|---|---|---|
| you are | आप हैं (haiṃ) | तुम हो (ho) | तू है (hai) |
| you go | आप जाते हैं | तुम जाते हो | तू जाता है |
| come (command) | आइए (āie) | आओ (āo) | आ (ā) |
When unsure, use aap. It is always safe — at worst you sound a little formal. The only cost of aap is a slight distance; the cost of a wrong tu can be real offence. Start formal, let the other person invite you down.
They are inviting you to the casual level. You may mirror it, but you are never wrong to stay with aap.
| Wrong | Right | Why |
|---|---|---|
| Using tu with a waiter or shopkeeper | Use aap in any service situation | tu to a stranger reads as contempt. |
| Using tum with elders | Default to aap for anyone clearly older | Age matters more than English speakers expect. |
| Swapping the pronoun but not the verb | Change both together | 'aap hai' or 'tum haiṃ' is broken — the verb form belongs to its pronoun. |
आप (aap) — it is always safe, and the polite default.
आइए (āie) — the aap-level imperative.
Each level of 'you' carries its own verb forms — हैं/हो/है — so they move together.
A chart helps only once you use it. Drill these same points in the practice labs, follow a learning path to keep the order right, or practise one to one with a native-speaking tutor.